that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize