I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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