felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
