There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
