I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize