I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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