I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
