Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize