I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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