i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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