I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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