tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
