there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
