i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I party with great urgency now.
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