I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
