I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
