Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
