You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My balls are so social today.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
