dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My balls are so social today.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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