I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
