she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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