I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
