is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
