And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
