Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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