And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
