The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
