i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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