Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
