I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
