The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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