Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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