My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
