i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
