last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
