May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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