And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
