How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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