what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why do cheetos always look like penises
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
