Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I only lived at night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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