Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize