I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
