piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
