Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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