Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
