All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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