My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
