you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
