just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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