Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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