worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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