Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
