This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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