Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
