He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
