Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
