I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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