and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dick has a subreddit
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
