what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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