his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
