Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
