do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
