dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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