I hate all girls vehemently.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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