Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
