ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
