in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
