Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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