3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
